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Apr 22, 2013
04/13
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jim? ♪ gee, mr. white man, i wish you understood what the world is really like when you're living in the hood ♪ ♪ just because my pants are sagging doesn't mean i'm up to know good. i'd like to buy you a beer, conversate and clear the air but i see that red flag and i think you wish i wasn't here. ♪ i'm just a white man ♪ ♪ if you don't judge my do-rag ♪ ♪ comin' to you from the south land ♪ ♪ i won't judge your red flag ♪ tryin' to understand what it's like to not be ♪ i'm proud of where i'm from ♪ >> stephen: that's a pretty good deal, paisley. l.l. will forget 250 years of enslavement if you accept his taste in accessories. nation, i thought racism ended when we elected the first black president but it turns out he was just the opening act. because this song has united all americans not just black and white but latino, asian, muslim, pacific islander, inuit. all of us to join our voices as one and declare: this song sucks! ( cheers and applause ) i've got to say, this level
jim? ♪ gee, mr. white man, i wish you understood what the world is really like when you're living in the hood ♪ ♪ just because my pants are sagging doesn't mean i'm up to know good. i'd like to buy you a beer, conversate and clear the air but i see that red flag and i think you wish i wasn't here. ♪ i'm just a white man ♪ ♪ if you don't judge my do-rag ♪ ♪ comin' to you from the south land ♪ ♪ i won't judge your red flag ♪ tryin' to understand what it's like to not be ♪...
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Apr 23, 2013
04/13
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jim. >> six categories saw improvement. bridges, railroads, drinking water, solid waste, and wastewater. solid waste earned the highest grade on the report, a b-minus-- go, solid waste. ( applause ) ( laughter ). >> stephen: yes, yes. go solid waste. speaking of which, tucker carlson is the new host of "fox & friends weekend." go, tucker. according to the report, we can now proudly say that only 25% of our nation's bridges are structurally deficient or functionally obsolete. that's right. there is a three-in-four chance if you drive across a bridge, you will make it to the other side. and america can hold its head high, knowing when it comes to our nation's levees, 8% are in acceptable condition. of the remaining levees, 22% are unacceptable, 42% are constructed of old marshmallow peeps, and 28% don't want to work. they just want to bang on the drum all day. ( cheers and applause ). nation, i believe this inspiring d-plus is a grade we can all be proud of. in fact, i believe we should hang this report card somewhere high wh
jim. >> six categories saw improvement. bridges, railroads, drinking water, solid waste, and wastewater. solid waste earned the highest grade on the report, a b-minus-- go, solid waste. ( applause ) ( laughter ). >> stephen: yes, yes. go solid waste. speaking of which, tucker carlson is the new host of "fox & friends weekend." go, tucker. according to the report, we can now proudly say that only 25% of our nation's bridges are structurally deficient or functionally...
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Apr 19, 2013
04/13
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have to live in fear of some maniac coming after those we love with a gun control bill. ( laughter ) jim. >> on wednesday, the senate blocked the most far-reaching gun control legislation in two decades. >> it needed 60 votes. it got 54. >> the gun control package is stopped cold in the senate. >> stephen: that's right! we cannot d didn't do it! whooo! ( cheers ) jimmy, jimmy, where's my balloon drop? and, folks, we achieved this victory, despite relentless pressure from special interest grieving parents being used as props by generalissimo glock-snatch over here who, following the defeat, took to the rose garden. >> those who care deeply about preventing more and more gun violence will have to be as passionate and as organized and as vocal as those who blocked these commonsense steps to help keep our kids safe. and i see this as just round one. >> stephen: just round one? so we have to limit the size of our ammo magazines but you get as many round as you want? ( laughter ) luckily, 45 brave senators stood tall to protect what they homeland most precious their "a" rating from the n.r.a.,
have to live in fear of some maniac coming after those we love with a gun control bill. ( laughter ) jim. >> on wednesday, the senate blocked the most far-reaching gun control legislation in two decades. >> it needed 60 votes. it got 54. >> the gun control package is stopped cold in the senate. >> stephen: that's right! we cannot d didn't do it! whooo! ( cheers ) jimmy, jimmy, where's my balloon drop? and, folks, we achieved this victory, despite relentless pressure from...
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Apr 16, 2013
04/13
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jim? >> why don't you say something to people making billions of dollars making video games where you shoot down, you murder, you maul 1,000 people a day. becoming more and more warped, more and more twisted, more and more desensitized. >> stephen: watching something over and over again can making you forget the difference between fantasy and reality. for instance, sometimes i mistake "morning joe" for a news show. joe is right, folks, today in america it's legal for anyone regardless of mental health and criminal history to waltz into a wal-mart and buy unlimited calls of duty. the only safety they come with is an impossible to open package. [ laughter ] i always end up using my gun. [ laughter ] so i'm giving a tip of my hat to everyone with the courage to face the real problems, fake guns. it's an especially brave argument considering research has found no conclusive evidence that ming video games results in real life violence. oh, yeah, then how do you explain me throwing my wii remote
jim? >> why don't you say something to people making billions of dollars making video games where you shoot down, you murder, you maul 1,000 people a day. becoming more and more warped, more and more twisted, more and more desensitized. >> stephen: watching something over and over again can making you forget the difference between fantasy and reality. for instance, sometimes i mistake "morning joe" for a news show. joe is right, folks, today in america it's legal for...
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Apr 17, 2013
04/13
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jim? >> sexcereal. that is it's name. it's being billed as the world's most passional cereal. it features special natural blends for both men and women. the promos are playful showing a couple at first bored in bed. then throw in some sex cereal and, of course, some sex, which we don't see. and the mood picks up. >> colbert: yes, the mood picks up when you throw in some sexcereal and some sex. its manufacturer claims it's part of a balanced breakfast. you'll need that balance when you're doing it in the brek fooft nook. that's why i'm giving a tip of the hat to sex-cereal for making sure we'll never skip breakfast ( cheers and applause ) by which again i mean sex. the old 23 skidoo. because at 6:30 a.m. with bleary eyes and breath like a landfill corpse, who isn't champing at the bit to get bizay? here's how it works >> the cereal boasts all natural ingredients like bee pollen, wheat german pumpkin seeds supposedly all natural stimulants for men and women >> colbert: you do not have to tell me about pumpkin seeds. you should see how i carve a jack-o-lantern. ( cheers and appla
jim? >> sexcereal. that is it's name. it's being billed as the world's most passional cereal. it features special natural blends for both men and women. the promos are playful showing a couple at first bored in bed. then throw in some sex cereal and, of course, some sex, which we don't see. and the mood picks up. >> colbert: yes, the mood picks up when you throw in some sexcereal and some sex. its manufacturer claims it's part of a balanced breakfast. you'll need that balance when...
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750
Apr 24, 2013
04/13
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jim? >> staffing cuts started yesterday for air traffic controllers. >> here comes maximum pain. air travelers, listen up. your chances of a flight delay just went up. >> federal budget cuts are now hitting air traffic controllers. they are being forced to take extra days off. >> about 400 flights were delayed because of these furloughs. >> passengers have been boarding on time but wait up to three hours for their flights to take off. >> stephen: oh, yes, the sequester chickens have come home to roost. or they would have have if they could get clearance to take off. but we've got no choice, folks. in bad times, you have to slash government sphending. and i don't need some fancy ivy league paper to tell me that. because there's already a fancy ivy league paper to tell me that. the famous 2010 study "growth in a time of debt" by harvard economists ken rogoff and car men reinhart. you've got to think harvard economists understand debt. almost as much as harvard graduates. so it's no surprise that fiscal conservatives all yes rogoff and reinhart to make the case for drastic budget cu
jim? >> staffing cuts started yesterday for air traffic controllers. >> here comes maximum pain. air travelers, listen up. your chances of a flight delay just went up. >> federal budget cuts are now hitting air traffic controllers. they are being forced to take extra days off. >> about 400 flights were delayed because of these furloughs. >> passengers have been boarding on time but wait up to three hours for their flights to take off. >> stephen: oh, yes, the...